Receiving feedback can be a challenging experience, especially when the words spoken echo our own inner critic. It can feel like confirmation of our worst fears and insecurities. However, the art of receiving feedback goes beyond just hearing the words; it involves understanding the source of the feedback and the personal history we associate with it.
Traditional advice on receiving feedback often overlooks the deeply personal history we have with feedback. As children, feedback from parents, teachers, and peers could have been associated with feelings of exclusion, rejection, or punishment. As adults, we are expected to embrace all feedback with open arms, even if it triggers these deep-seated emotions from our past.
Feedback is not just about what is being said; it is also about who is saying it and the personal history we associate with it. The person giving feedback represents more than just themselves; they can trigger emotions and memories from our past experiences. A critical boss might remind us of a strict parent, while a dismissive colleague might bring back feelings of being unheard as a child.
One of the toughest aspects of feedback is what it reveals about the culture we are operating in. Feedback such as “You are not resilient enough” can be code for other underlying issues, such as showing too much emotion in a male-dominated environment. Power dynamics also play a significant role in how feedback is received, with those in positions of power often being less receptive to feedback from their subordinates.
When receiving feedback, it is essential to notice your emotional response and take time to process it if needed. Reframing feedback as a dialogue can help you better understand where the feedback is coming from and how to respond effectively. Taking an active role in the feedback process can help you regain a sense of control and ownership.
Ultimately, the real gift in receiving feedback is not just the words being spoken, but what we learn about ourselves through our reactions. By engaging with feedback in a way that promotes growth and self-awareness, we can turn a potentially uncomfortable experience into a valuable opportunity for personal development.
If you found this article helpful, be sure to follow me on Medium for more insights and tips on personal and professional development. Remember, the art of receiving feedback is not just about hearing what others have to say; it’s about understanding ourselves better and using that knowledge to grow and improve.
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